Courting, marriage

  • Young people don’t have many opportunities to find a spouse, and for this reason turn to browsing the web. What can these 20-30 years old young adults do?

    Finding one’s spouse in this way cannot be banned, though according to the statistics, only 10% of these attempts end successfully. This doesn’t mean that the partners are happy, rather a serious relationship evolves. The online method is unfortunate since written words are already a meeting in their own form. Before the personal encounter, the addressee can be manipulated. Emotional dependence and partiality can be preconceived and as a result the other one may lose his or her sound judgement when meeting personally. Not every contact ends up as a drama, but there are dangers. The practice of finding the right mate was subject to authority in the Bible. It took place under the control of God-fearing parents, although it didn’t involve force. This goal of this practice was aimed at saving young people from unwanted meetings and experience. People should not “try out” potential spouses in order to find the right one. In doing this a person will neither be the same nor original and will have fewer and fewer opportunities as time goes on. Nowadays, such attempts are problematic for psychological and medical reasons. It is important for 20-30-year-olds not to live a life of solitude but to belong to a community. Communal life qualifies man for marriage. This is the basis and consequence of civilization. If man doesn’t live in a community, but he is reserved, lonely and establishes only depersonalized relationships, then probably his marriage won’t be happy. Honest communication is dependent upon harmonic relationships. This can be learned along with moral norms and values. If someone is inhibited and has a minority complex, then the solution is not to withdraw into the shadows of their home and avoid having any relationship with the outer world. Instead, man should come to the light and walk in it, as the Bible says. In many cases the resolution to such problems lies in taking such steps.

  • My marriage is in a crisis and my wife wants to divorce. I’m neither an alcoholic, nor do I use drugs and I have never cheated on her, though work has been such a burden for me that I am unable to help her at home. We need help to make things right. What should I do?

    According to the biblical pattern, the charge of the husband is more than just the securing of material blessings. It is important to keep good communion between man and woman, since it is the basis for marriage and family. Affection, sexuality, joint time and honest communication belong to it. According to the Bible, the task of men is to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Jesus of Nazareth did not become estranged from you after you came into contact with him, rather He talks to you, leads you, provides for you and he is sensitive to all your needs. Therefore, it is crucial for man to remain sensitive to the spiritual, psychological and physical needs of his wife. Estrangement due to mothers and other people outside the relationship should not be allowed because the relationship will become depersonalized. As a result, the two will be bitter. If the husband notices that his wife is spiritually tired and worn to a frazzle, then they should seek for somebody who can take care of the children and they should go on a honeymoon or holiday to renew their marriage, love, loyalty and affection for each other. You should try this, but if your wife is determined and desperate, then it won’t be easy though all things are possible for those who believe.

  • My wife and I are married for more than 10 years, but she has declared that she is not willing to have a child. What should I do?

    The clarification of this question before getting married is very important. I wouldn’t have married a woman who wasn’t willing to bear a child. Such women should live alone. Though God is capable of changing a person’s way of thinking. I know that this is very difficult, but you should try to make your wife to change her attitude. I am convinced that it is good to bear a child. Life doesn’t only last 20-30 years but 80-90 years. As I see it, those who have a child are more balanced and happy than those who starkly seclude themselves. Man becomes lonely after 40-50 years. When the spouses get tired of each other it is a great problem and if they think by human standards, there aren’t many psychological and spiritual values in their relationship. If these values are missing, then the marriage quickly falls apart. If there are values, then the spouses are able to renew and love each other at an older age. Often love and affection at that age is more valuable than that of the earlier years.

  • Is sexual relationship before marriage considered to be sexual immorality by God? What is the right thing to do when choosing a spouse?

    The essence of marriage is a covenant which is a prerequisite for sexual relationship. If the covenant has not been established, then man pays a lot for the relationship, for instance, if the partner considers it to be only an adventure and doesn’t lay down his whole life for the other and is not willing to get married. If someone enters a relationship without commitment, then ends it he will not be same as before. He can only come out of it having paid a price, though this is not the will of God. Accordingly, a man should have sexual relationship only with the one who is tied to him by a covenant.

  • I’m 28 year old and waiting for the “right” one. Is it a problem at this age if I haven’t have a sexual relationship with a boy yet? How did it take place in the Bible? What is the age limit till this is normal? Won’t it be a problem in my future marriage?

    According to the Bible, virginity is valuable both in the Judeo-Christian revelation and that of culture. If women remain alone with their matrimonial problems, they can hardly solve them. In the Bible, the parents could help them which doesn’t necessarily meant that they chose the one for their children, though there can be found examples of this practice as well. Man shouldn’t be afraid of asking for help at this area, for example from non-secular matchmakers who respect the dignity of people. This practice existed in the Judeo and Christian culture as well. Successful experts of this field can help within a community for a woman to find her mate. It is difficult for a single to accomplish this goal, hence it is good to be part of a community.

  • Why are the homosexuals not allowed to live in matrimony if they love each other like the heterosexuals do?

    They can lead such a lifestyle, though as the Apostle Paul says, man has the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial. The uproar over homosexual marriage has been on for almost 40 years in America and much research has been carried out on this phenomenon. It has been unambiguously confirmed that 99% of homosexuals cheat on their spouse in the first 5 years of marriage and they have approximately 100 relationships during their life. Loyalty is a form of love and manifests itself especially in matrimonial relation. By having a look at the essence of marriage, it can be seen that there is a functional disorder in this form of cohabitation. Since the covenant between man and woman is the basis of humanity, so if its content is changed, then everything will be modified on earth. Men should not be hated but loved, though it should be shown that God can help everybody and give absolution.

  • One of my acquaintances is a foreigner and his religion allows bigamy. He has more wives and children from them. He has embraced the gospel very much. In case he repents, which one should be his wife? Should he divorce or keep all of them? Can he be saved in this way? What would happen to his children and wives after resurrection?

    I have to convey the message of the Bible, though it would trigger passage of arms. Man may keep his wives where the state laws allow bigamy. If he repents, then he will be saved, since this was the regulation in the time of Jesus and the first Judeo-Christian congregation too. The Apostle Paul imposed only one restraint: that man cannot be a bishop. He can be a God-fearing Christian, so he doesn’t need to divorce them. This message is not for Hungarians, but for those whose country allows bigamy. The perfect will of God is that two will become one flesh: a man and a woman. What God has joined, let no one separate. God has allowed bigamy not because of the stubborn refusal of women but that of men. So stubborn refusal is in the background of divorce and bigamy. The latter one is the permissive and not the perfect will of God. Man can be saved and gets eternal life; furthermore, he can play a positive role in society, in church and in the congregation as well, even if he is in the permissive will of God. If there was religious freedom in countries of the Middle-East where people were free to change from the faith of Muslim to that of Christianity and beforehand they had three or four spouses, then there won’t be any problem. They could lead their life in this way and blessing from heaven would come upon them.

  • My husband and I have devastated each other’s lives, so we’ve decided to divorce. What do you think, which one is worse: to argue in front of the children or to divorce?  

    The solution in this case is the spouses have to repent to God, since in most of the cases it depends on both of them. Children may get trauma due to a vitiated relationship. Moreover, the argumentative nature, resentment, conflict of interest, strife and similar phenomena still remain in divorced people. They try to moderate them for a while in their new relationship. Becoming successful depends on the condition of the psyche: if they have a strong will, then the good intentions restrain the evil dwelling in man. Though if both the will and the intentions are used and tired, then the cat easily comes out of the bag. The same problems will occur again and again.        Repentance is the solution to divorce.  God has promised that “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26-27). This new nature and heart is able to love, to forgive, to settle the arguments, to be humble and to accommodate others. The renewal of the relationship is a great success in the situation where comments to one’s spouse such as, “I can’t stand you”, “It was a mistake to ever get married” or “I don’t love you anymore” were a common occurrence. What does God say about love? It never passes away. If love passed in your case, then the questions is, what was in you.    Many times there is no love in crush.  God teaches man how to love. It is God Himself. If man is related not to God but to evil spirits, then there is no such love in him that would be the basis for rejuvenation in his marriage or in his personal relationships. Don’t forget that God is the one who gives life to the dead.     If He is capable of giving life to the dead, then why wouldn’t he be able to repair and renew ruined relationships? Man should not be proud if his marriage is in a crisis, rather he should restore is immediately. Talk to people that can be trusted to help and give good advice. It is worth visiting pastors, for example those of Faith Church, or psychologists. Besides these, the best is the Word of God, He can heal these ruined relationships.   

  • My husband has been watching porn films many times during our marriage and was enjoying himself during that. He is longing for both anal and oral sex. Is this a natural or a demonic longing?  If I say to him that I consider them to be sin, he answers that

    Sexuality within marriage is subordinated to the law of God. Man is not a sexual animal, but created in the image of God and has to preserve his dignity in the sexual life. The body has its own function and man can use it for the glory of God. Only in this way can he realize the presence of God in his marriage, sexual life and in raising up children. Man may rebel against it, but God will not change his law for anyone sake, since He knows what is good and only He is good. There is no good in people, hence we should accept the value judgement of the Lord. Especially at this very intimate area of sexuality, where man can cause serious damages to himself as well.     Plenty of crimes have sexual intentions in the background and they in many people these are suppressed.  People escape into the world of porn, especially in miserable and damned societies, where they don’t have any joy and are unable to see the value in human relationships. It the end only the enjoyment of the most primitive and the low-level pleasures remain which are alcohol, drug and animalistic sex.    If people consume sex- and pornfilms, then these actions demonstrably result in personal and identity disorders and trigger infidelity in relationships. Those who are embroiled in them are unable to stop and only sink deeper. After that it can be seen that the ability to make differentiate between good and bad becomes distorted. At this point what the Apostle Paul says in the letter to the Romans comes true that God gives them over to a depraved longings and intentions. This will evoke the wrath of God, hence the apocalyptic times are near. The majority have slid so deep that they are able to escape from it by penitentiary actions. Many of those who have lived under difficult circumstances or go to jail are thankful, because it became a catalyst to aborting their perverse and distorted lifestyle.       

  • Can a believer and non-believer live together in marriage? 

    Marriage is the union of the spirit, soul and body of a man and woman.  As the prophet says two cannot walk together unless they have agreed to do so. When there are great differences in the area of world view and value system between the spouses, then the marriage won’t be able to endure. God recommends to believers to get married with those who live according to the Word of God to prevent conflicts and for the sake of the future of their children. When someone meets God and his partner or spouse isn’t a believer, then, as the Apostle Paul advises, they should adhere to this relationship. The believer can save his spouse for resurrection, since in this way the infidel is sanctified in the believer. The Bible recommends to those who have already repented but are yet unmarried to marry a believer. God is the source of marriage. He binds the two and supports their marriage if they follow the Word of God. This relationship is said to be sacred and indissoluble by the Bible. Besides, there are valid and working marriages. These are able to stand as well, since the spouses, even if they don’t believe in God or the Saviour, follow those moral values that are indispensable to the maintenance of marriage.     

  • I agree that adultery is sin, but I think that many times the wives themselves toss their husband into this condition. In my opinion, it’s the task of the wife to fully support her husband.  If she refuses to do this, then is she as sinful as her husband who becomes bitter about it and cheats on her?  

    In order for the husband as the head to stand in his place, a good neck and body is necessary. It is crucial for the wife to stand next to her husband. Sometimes she should stand in front of him, but the best is when she is behind him and gives support to him while pushing him forward. Those women make a good decision to invest their energy in their husbands since this will result in a healthy family life. As the book of Proverbs says it is important for the husband to fear God and after a while he realizes the values gained by his wife. If a man is successful in every aspect of life, then probably a prosperous wife is behind him.     Often there is problem with the women as well. They are seized by the spirit of Jezabel, which is a spirit of witchcraft. It is better for them not to be feminist; rather they should accept the biblical truths. This is not equal to the inferiority that can be observed in other cultures. The Bible lays great emphasis on the equivalence between man and woman. According to the New Testament, there are differences concerning function and roles.      The Bible teaches the woman not to dominate her husband, because this behaviour won’t have good fruits. Even if the husband rebels, it is better for her to pray for and support him. The societal tensions are triggered by the identity crisis of men and women and distortions in their situation. If people accepted the revelation of God concerning the role of man and woman, and truths regarding marriage, then many would have a happy marriage. Unfortunately, things are not looking good in this area of life.       Men should be addressed in the first place, since if they don’t need prostitutes and brothels, then women wouldn’t choose this occupation. A lot of men are full of illegal desires in a biblical sense, and many women realized that it is easier to earn money in this industry than by doing a normal job. Men are bombarded with influences that trigger them to rebel against the perfect will of God. The intervention of God is necessary to have harmony and peace in this area of life. There are more and more God-fearing men and I’m glad that Faith Church is a masculine congregation.   

  • Dear Pastor, I cheated on my husband many times at the beginning of our marriage. I’ve regretted it many times, but I’m afraid that it will come out one day. Please give me advice on how to change the state of the matter? 

    This is a tough question, since in such a situation it is difficult to face the truth but it should be done. Man should not have secret sins that cannot be told to his spouse, since they separate the spouses from each other. It is important to have a clear conscience concerning the better half. According to the Bible, the conscience is the testimony of the human spirit about the deeds of man. The spirit supervises our actions and if it agrees with them, then it gives joy and peace; otherwise, it starts to accuse us. Often we perceive this operation as feeling guilty and fear. Those who suppress the signal of the conscience renounce the finding of truth.      Interestingly, our soul and spirits accuse us both when committing a sin against God and against other people as well. In this case man has to apologize for all of them. The Bible emphasizes that we should walk in the light and our sins have to be revealed. The letter to the Hebrews gives an interesting interpretation to the complex brotherhood of Jacob and Esau (Hebrews 12:16-17). Esau was searching for the place of repentance though he couldn’t find it. What does it mean? He didn’t express it in the appropriate way, nor to the proper person. Asking the forgiveness of the offended person is crucial to reconciliation. It is useless to ask God for forgiveness, and no matter how hard you try to love others, you will still have one person you are deeply indebted to. My advice would be to tell it to your husband at the proper time in order to get the forgiveness of your spouse. Finding the proper time needs wisdom. This is how this matter should be settled according to the Bible.